This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
