I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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