Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
