handjob tips. give me some.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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