this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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