just tell him i said nine months
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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