u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
