they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
