It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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