Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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