Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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