This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
