Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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