I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do herpes really smell.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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