Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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