He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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