What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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