Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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