now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
