Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
