When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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