I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
