2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
