Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
