Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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