Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
