Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
