It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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