i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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