There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
People in love make me want to vomit
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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