Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
