Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
