Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
