there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
