smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
