I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
