On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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