Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
