you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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