This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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