literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
