this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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