do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
