I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
