so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
