Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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