Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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