Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
