I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
