Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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