I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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