How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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