matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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