He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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