I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
