so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
