PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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