a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
