If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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