If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
