Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
