I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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