So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
