i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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