why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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