Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
