Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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