dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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