Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
