I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
