he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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