Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
