I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
