And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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