She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
as a side note pls kill me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
