that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
