You can't special order awesome
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
