I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
