Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
