Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
