is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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