i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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