goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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