I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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