She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
