if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
